[Cue the SD FFVIII characters chasing a football across the
screen!]

All: ^-^ "omake Omake OMAKE! WAAAIIIIII!!"

     [The camera pans back to reveal Carbuncle leaned up against
a football that's nearly half its size. It pushes the ball with
its forelimbs away from it. The camera goes back even further to
show who the cute little furball is playing with.]

Chibi-Diablos: [with the football punctured on one of his claws]
"I really need to clip those..."


                       Sowing the SeeDs:
                                
                        OMAKE THEATRE!!!


     [Somewhere on the rather desolate but flat continent of
Centra, a large object is seen moving out from the distant
horizon. As it grows closer we see that it's Balamb Garden, still
flying around. Upon finding the designated place, it comfortably
settles down... before dropping the last ten meters and crashing
into the grass with a resounding 'Whump!!']

Squall: [at the driver's stick] "What do you expect? This
Garden's standard, and I only know how to drive automatic."

Rinoa: "Well if you hadn't popped the clutch like I'd *said*, we
wouldn't be in this crater."

Squall: "Hey, quit backseat flying!"

Headmaster Cid: --;; "......"

     [Once the dust settles, the entry doors open up and the
ramps are extended. Dozens of SeeDs and cadets pour out and take
up seats around a large rectangular area outlined on the ground. 
Many of them have drinks and sunglasses, and are reclining in 
lounge chairs. Even more have their faces painted with the Balamb 
Garden colors, and are waving signs showing their allegiance to 
either SeeD or the team players.]

Zell: [hitting the concession stand] "Yo, gimme a couple a'
hot dogs."

Biggs: [dressed in a vendor's uniform] "Sorry, we just ran out of
them a minute ago."

Zell: o.O;; "Wha? Dat's impossible! Who ate da last hot dogs?!
I'll murder 'im wit a My Final Heaven!"

Biggs: [pointing over to the lumbering form of Sphinxaur] "Oh, I
believe he took the last two dozen."

Zell: [eeep] "Maybe I'll just go for a Tofu dog instead."

[Sitting atop one of the ramps, their booth hooked into the
Garden PA system, are the game's commentators.]

Dr. Kadowaki: ^-^ "Welcome to Omake Theatre!  We're in for a real 
treat today, a football match of epic proportions: the Authors 
versus the SeeDs!"

Enju: "With Xu as the captain of the SeeD team, I can't see this
as being anything but messy.  I'm almost afraid to watch."

Dr. Kadowaki: [???] "What are you doing here?  Did you run out of
people to kill or something?"

Enju: ^^; "My clientele keep dropping like flies. But working in
irrelevant omakes does provide a modest source of income for me
when the world is at peace and no back stabbing is going on."

Dr. Kadowaki: "Ahhh... I see."

Enju: "Say, you wouldn't happen to have anyone who needs
killing, do you?"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Why, no I certainly *coughMartinecough!!* don't!
Moving along, let's take a look at today's line up."

Enju: "Right-o! Representing Team SeeD is Xu, who is the captain.
We've also got the twins from Trabia, Myn and Nym. And Quistis
rounds out the starting line-up as the goalie."

Dr. Kadowaki: "On the Authors' side is their captain,
Chaos... SquareSoft help us all. Along with him are Beans and
Quandry, and their goalie is... Helen Fong? Who's she?"

     [Cue the Iron Chef cameo!]

Ohta: ^-^ [popping up between Enju and Kadowaki] "I can answer that
one for you Kadowaki-san! Helen Fong has been doing conceptual
artwork for the authors. She hasn't written anything for 'Sowing
the SeeDs', so this is a case of guilt by association."

Dr. Kadowaki: [recoiling in surprise!] "Where'd you come from?!"

Ohta: "Ah, the smells of a soccer match bring back the memories
of that Iron SeeD competition I did five years ago when I whupped
the uniform off some would-be Iron Chef Galbadia named Biggs at 
making Elvoret Courdon Bleu. Back to you, Enju-san!"

Enju: ^^v "Thank you Ohta! Now since each team only has 4 members
on it the playing field has been reduced in size. The halves have
also been shortened at the request of the authors, who didn't
think they could last the full 45 minutes per half."

Dr. Kadowaki: "How long do they think they'll last if not 45
minutes?"

Enju: "Think the Fire Cavern test: they'll be lucky to survive
ten minutes. But let's hear your opinion, Ohta."

Dr. Kadowaki: o.O; "You mean he hasn't left the commentator's
booth yet?"

Ohta: [making himself comfortable] "Well, Enju-san, I spoke with
the Team Authors captain while in the locker room. After taking
into account their lack of physical training, inept athletic
skills, and the blood their opponents want to draw from them,
he's giving them a solid 5 minutes before Beans drops the Lunatic 
Pandora on him, and the other authors use the diversion as a 
chance to escape."

Enju: "Thank you Ohta! Back to you, Kadowaki."

Dr. Kadowaki: [um... okay] "Today's referee is none other than
Headmaster Cid. He will be assisted by Headmaster Martine of 
Galbadia and Headmistress Rebecca of Trabia, who are filling the 
role of linesmen."

Enju: [looking at Martine] "He looks like he could fill the role
of two or three linesman, given that waistline."

     [Enju hastily ducks the Jelleye that gets lobbed at his
head!]

Enju: >=( [giving Martine the SeeD 1-finger salute!] "Back at ya,
Behemoth-for-brains!"

Ohta: "Having all the officials be from Garden could work in the
advantage of Team SeeD. On the other hand, Martine is known to
hold a grudge against the team captain... and now one against a 
commentator too. Will we see that bias come into play today?"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Oh look! The players are coming out onto the 
field!"

     [Out first onto the field is the SeeD team dressed in black
uniforms. They wave to the crowd who is cheering wildly for them.
The entire section behind the SeeD goal is Trepie territory.
Numerous 'Quistis 3:16' signs abound.]

LeVar, Jessie, and Eugene: ^-^ "Quistis! Quistis! Quistis!"

Enju: "The home team is certainly getting a warm welcome. Just
look at all those Caterchipiller plushies being thrown onto the 
field."

Ohta: "Did you know Caterchipillers tastes just like chicken? But 
you can bring out the flavor with some lemon sauce, a little 
grated cheese, and ketchup!"

Dr. Kadowaki: [groan!] "I don't believe this. Oh, wait, here come
the challengers!"

     [The Authors' entrance is remarkably spectacular... though
rather dangerous as an out-of-control Doomtrain comes rolling
onto the field. At the skull-shaped engine, Chaos (complete with
a conductor's hat) is frantically trying to locate the brakes.
The other authors, who were originally sitting atop the cars, are
now clinging to Doomtrain's roof for dear life!]

Enju: "And look, they're riding in style atop the Whoop-Ass Express!
Such confidence!"

Beans: [terrified li'l mame-chan!] "I don't wanna die!"

Quandry: "Yo yo, that goes double for me!  I'd rather grind train 
tracks, not be grinded on them!"

Chaos: [rummaging through Doomtrain's glove compartment] "There's
got to be a driver's manual here somewhere. How do you stop this
GF anyways?!"

     [Suddenly Doomtrain choo-choo's right through the crowd and
smashes into the side of Balamb Garden!]

Enju: >.< "Yeowch! I hope that GF had airbags!"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Look at that Doomtrain wreck. There're authors all
over the place."

Ohta: "Truly a tragic way to open a football game. But... that's
exactly the way I make my Marboro liver pate."

Dr. Kadowaki: [twitch!] "That has nothing to do with the game."

Enju: ^-^ "But it's sure making me hungry!"

Dr. Kadowaki: [facefault!] "......"

     [Meanwhile, amidst the debris-strewn Garden basement, now
featuring its own Doomtrain-shaped hole...]

Beans: [getting up] "Oh, this is not a good way to open a no
doubt painful omake. Say... where'd Chaos go?"

Quandry: "He performed a bitchin' 720 before landing face first 
into that blob thing over there."

     [The two lean back as a large red light flashes, followed by
the shrieks from Chaos getting zapped by the Master NORG's orbs!]

Quandry: o.O; "Whoa, that must have taken him a few notches down 
on the ol' Hit Point meter."

     [The authors slowly drag themselves back out onto the
football field. A fried and smoking Chaos is being carried out on
a stretcher by two Shumi. Yet despite his injuries, he's still
cheerfully waving at the crowd as though they're all here to see 
him (in some capacity other than being turned into turfpaste, of
course). Beans looks terrified of being surrounded by so many
SeeDs and cadets.
     The last person out onto the field is Helen Fong, who is
carried kicking and screaming over Quandry's shoulder. She is 
beating him up quite a bit as he struggles to maintain his 
balance.]

Dr. Kadowaki: [wryly] "Now that's the team spirit."

Enju: "Ohta, there's something odd about Helen's uniform. Could
you find out what it is and get back to us?"

     [Cid blows the whistle and the game begins. Xu takes control
of the ball and passes it up to Myn. Myn easily goes around Beans
and makes a beeline for the goal. Quandry uses the boosters on his 
skates to catch up to him and challenge for the ball. Myn kicks the 
ball over to his twin, who ducks. The ball flies out of bounds.]

Nym: [grr!] "What the hell are you doing?! You *KICKED* it at
me!"

Myn: "Of course I did! I'm supposed to kick it at you. That's the
point of the game!"

Nym: "You were trying to hit me on purpose!"

Myn: "No, I was passing it to you! Passing it--"

     [Myn suddenly finds himself on the receiving end of a thrown
ball.  For once, he doesn't dodge fast enough and it pegs him in
the face, leaving him on the ground twitching.]

Myn: @.@ "My nose is bleeding. I think you broke it."

Nym: "Don't think I'll stop there!!"

     [Cid calls some cadets over the drag Myn off the field. He
then gives Nym a yellow card. Xu signals to have a substitute
player come in for the injured Myn. Kei jogs out onto the field. 
The fear of the authors can almost be seen radiating off of
them.]

Chaos: [dressed up as a Sorceress] "Say, do you think my
shoulder pads are too big?"

Beans: [burying her face in her hands] "How did I get signed up
for this?"

Ohta: "Enju-san, may I cut in?"

Enju: "Go ahead, Ohta."

Ohta: "I finally got a good look at the jersey Helen is wearing. 
You'll notice that each team has their name on the front. Helen
has used tape to put a ! before the team name. Apparently, in
some programming languages the ! stands for 'not'. She's
continuing her protests that she is not an Author."

Dr. Kadowaki: "......"

Enju: ^^v "Fascinating! Thank you, Ohta. Let's get back to
the game, shall we?"

     [Play resumes!]

Enju: "And Xu passes the ball in to Kei, who dribbles downfield,
easily bypassing first Quandry, then Beans. Wait a minute... Kei's
stopping in front of Chaos... and nonchalantly casts a Fire spell
that sends him running down the field with a fireball chasing
after him!"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Is that legal?"

Enju: "So long as it doesn't zorch him, it's probably fine."

Dr. Kadowaki: "Zorch? That's not an actual word!"

Enju: [oblivious] "With no one else to block her, Kei makes a
break for the goal. She winds up to blast a massive kick at the
goal... and pauses as Helen simply stands there, arms crossed,
foot tapping."

Kei: "Hey, aren't you supposed to be trying to stop me?"

Helen: "Why should I? I'm not an Author! I don't belong out
here!"

Dr. Kadowaki: "As if planned, Beans uses this to her advantage
and steals the ball away from a perplexed Kei! She's going across
the field with it, seeking to break open past Nym and Xu."

Enju: "And Kei's growling as she charges after her. Beans passes
to an open Quandry!" 

     [Quandry leaps up and traps the ball between his skates before 
bouncing it up on his knee. He antics continue with him juggling it 
from his head, to his elbow, back to this skates, and bops it up into 
the air. He catches it spinning on a fingertip and the whistle blows. 
All the players freeze solid in their tracks and, most of them having
been in motion, predictably fall on their faces. Cid holds up a yellow 
card.]

Enju: "What the hell just happened?"

Dr. Kadowaki: "It must be that new whistle Cid ordered online,
guaranteed to stop a monster from 30 yards away!"

     [Suddenly a number of paralyzed Gayla drop out from the sky
and belly flop onto the football field!] 

Enju: [dryly] "And everything else that's moving as well,
apparently."

Ohta: "Say, I could use some of those Gayla for a gumbo recipe in
my next Iron SeeD competition. I'll be right back."

     [Ohta pulls out a large spatula and runs out onto the
field!]

Dr. Kadowaki: "Do they even have a name for his disorder?"

     [Back to the game....]

Cid: [writing down Quandry's name in a little book] "Foul! Direct
kick!"

Quandry: "What? What did I do wrong? That should have earned me 
uberpoints!"

Beans: --; "You're not supposed to touch the ball with your
hands. At all. This is football, not a grind session."

Quandry: [scratching his bear ears] "You sure?"

     [Kei stands on the sideline and glares at Beans, then turns
her eyes on Helen. Helen is still standing there.]

Kei: "Here it comes!"

Chaos: "Use the Force, Helen! Use the Force!"

Helen: "......"

     [Kei winds up and boots the ball with amazing speed and
accuracy right past Helen and into the goal. But the instant it's
about to cross the goal line, the football freezes in mid-air,
still spinning around!]

Kei: o.O;

Everyone: o.O;

Chaos: ^-^ "The Force is strong with that one!"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Actually, it appears that someone cast Mighty
Guard on the authors' net. But the only person who could do that
is Quistis."

     [Everyone slowly turns to the SeeD goalie. Quistis shuffles
her feet at all the attention.]

Xu: "Quistis! What did you do that for?!"

Quistis: "Well... we were beating them up too bad. It's not
exactly a fair fight, Xu."

Chaos: ^-^ [groping Quistis' bosoms!] "Quistis, baby, you have
such a kind heart!"

     [Chaos is suddenly hit in the face with an oversized
battle axe!]

Dr. Kadowaki: o.O; [turning to Enju] "Wow, that was some throw!
Right across the entire field!"

Enju: --;; "I don't care if he was responsible for writing me
into the series. Nobody fondles Quistis except me!"

     [Enju frantically ducks a katana that gets lobbed his way 
courtesy of Kei. Never one to let such an opportunity go to 
waste, Ohta tosses a bunch of vegetables into the air and lets 
them get impaled on the sword blade!]

Ohta: [catching the sword by the hilt] "Ta-daaaa! Ready-made
vegetarian shish kabobs for the Anshin in your family!"

Enju: ^-^ [applauding] "Ooooooh! Aaaaaaaah!"

Dr. Kadowaki: "I can't believe you're encouraging him. That
attack was meant to decapitate you, Enju!"

Enju: "But I'm a fan favorite. There's no way I could die that
easily, even in an omake!"

Kei: --;; [grumbling beneath a li'l stormcloud] "......"

Headmaster Cid: "Well, if that's settled, let's get back to the
game. Players, take your positions at center field!"

Beans: "We might as well get this over with."

     [Beans pauses and looks back at Chaos, who is twitching on
the ground with the axe sticking out from his hair.]

Beans: "Chaos, you coming?"

Chaos: x.x "My head got split!"

Beans: [Pulls a Cura out] "Crybaby."

     [Once patched all up nice and the cute like (including a 
Chocobo Band-Aid because he insisted), Chaos, Quandry and
Beans all face off once more against the two Anshin and Nym. 
Cid blows his whistle and drops the ball. Everyone collides in 
a frantic effort to get control of the ball!]

Xu: [kicking the ball to Nym] "Nym, incoming!"

Nym: o.O; "Not again! Is everyone here trying to hit me?!"

     [Nym unleashes a barrage of flying shuriken darts, neatly
impaling the football! With a pathetic squeak of air, the ball
deflates in midair until it collapses at Nym's feet.]

Enju: "And it would appear that SeeD Nym has just killed the
ball! Would that be a penalty against the team?"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Maybe she could get away with it if it was a part
of her mission."

Enju: "Either way, looks like the game is delayed yet again as
Eileen heads off to get a replacement ball. Since we've got some
spare time, Ohta, care to tell us about your newest recipe?"

Ohta: ^^v "Don't mind if I do! Did you know that if you stuffed
the feet of a T-Rexaur into an industrial sized blender, hit
'frappe' and added a few strawberries and whipped cream, you get
this great health shake? It serves about one hundred thirsty
cadets."

Enju: "I could jump out to the Training Center and grab a Rexaur
for you. Imagine the profit margin we'd clear!"

Dr. Kadowaki: [grabbing the microphone] "Does ANYONE out there
want to trade seats with me?"

     [Resume the game!]

Nym: [kicking the ball to Xu] "Xu, go deep!"

Xu: [adeptly trapping the ball] "Got it!"

Quandry: [pounce!] "I'm as l33t as they come when they're talkin'
mad skills, yo!"

Xu's fist: *WHAM!*

Quandry: o.O [ack!] "Hey, watch the ears! And what happened to 
those Anshin pacifist ideals Beans told me about?"

Xu: "Sorry dear, but all's fair in love and sports."

Chaos: ^-^ [boing!] "So does that mean we could go steady, Xu-
chan?"

Kei: >=( [summoning a GF!] "DIE!!!"

Chaos: o.O;

     *SQUISH!!*

Ohta: [wince!] "And Kei's Alexander has just flattened Chaos like
a Funguar pancake! Speaking of, I find that if you add chocolate 
shavings--"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Will you cut that out? What are you still doing here 
in the first place?!"

Enju: [oblivious to Kadowaki's protests] "Ohta, I think you'll 
agree with me that Kei's attack didn't look like a contracted hit. 
Of course, if the attack was personal it may be because of that 
'A Galbadian Werewolf in Garden' fic Chaos wrote last week."

Headmaster Cid: [blowing his whistle] "Penalty against the SeeD
team! Kei, I'm afraid that was very unprofessional of you as a
SeeD... no matter how much the little twit deserved it."

Chaos: @.@ "She may be aligned with Justice, but where's
the love?"

Quandry: [scratching ears] "Hey Beans, he ain't a member of 
Poison Jam, is he? His brain's all messed up like theirs are, 
ya know?"

Beans: "You think they'd take him? He may be a raging idiot, but 
better his butt get kicked than ours."

Quandry: "I hear ya there."

Helen: "Can I go home _now_?"

     [And so Kei is red carded for blowing up another player. 
SeeD Skye is pulled into the game for Kei.]

Skye: [nodding to Xu] "Yo."

Chaos: [bouncing back!] "Okay, I'm alive! I just had to restart
myself in the game! So how are we doing?"

Quandry: "Welcome back from the dead, bro. According to the game 
clock we've burned nearly 4 minutes."

Chaos: ^-^ "Cool! We're doing better than I thought."

Enju: "The game is resumed with SeeD Kei now on the sidelines.
The ball is back in play from Nym to Skye... who is just standing
there idly. Wait, she sees the ball by her feet! And she kicks it
over to Xu without so much as actually moving from her spot! That
Skye's so... so..."

Dr. Kadowaki: "Apathetic?"

Enju: [shrug!] "More or less. I was going to say 'statuesque' but
yours works."

Dr. Kadowaki: "With the way Skye's evidently not taking the game
seriously, she's playing just like Helen Fong. That does even the
teams out some."

Xu: [charging towards the authors' net!] "Golden Bird Holy Flower 
Dragon Tooth Glory Kick!!"

Helen: [blink blink!] "Golden Bird what?"

Kei: [blink blink!] "Holy's my department, cousin..."

     [The ball soars past a confused Helen and a goal is scored
for SeeD!]

Xu: ^^v "Wai!"

Enju: "With that goal scored, the timer buzzes to announce the
end of the first half of the game. It looks like the halftime 
show's about to begin!"

Ohta: "You know, there's this great recipe for Ruby Dragon haggis I
can whip up during the halftime. I did it last month on Iron
SeeD, and the judges loved it!"

Enju: ^^;; "Sounds... delicious. Kadowaki, baby, I'm sure you'd
love to try it!"

Dr. Kadowaki: [erk!] "Wha? Me?!"

     [Kadowaki helplessly turns to Enju... only to see a
dissipating dust cloud left in his wake. And so, as Ohta prepares
his Ruby Dragon haggis, the halftime show begins! Cue the line-up 
of Tonberry cheerleaders, complete with pompoms!!]

Tonberry cheerleaders: [doing a victory cheer] "Doink! Doink!
Doink doink doink!"

Fujin: [watching the Tonberries in disbelief] "DRINK. NOW. CAN'T
TAKE OMAKE SOBER."

Quistis: [flipping through a Tonberry For Dummies book] "There
has got to be a concise Tonberry/Standard dictionary in the Garden
library somewhere..."

Xu: [regrouping with the SeeD team] "Okay, we've got one goal
against them. If they keep playing the way they have been, we're 
sure to blow them out of the entire Final Fantasy series!"

Nym: [filing her nails with a shuriken dart] "Any strategies we
want to work on for the second half?"

Xu: "We should each take a player and stick it to them!"

Skye: "Don't you mean 'stick with them'?"

Xu: "Gee, let me think: no! Quistis, you're goalie so you're in
the clear. But if anyone--especially Chaos--comes within striking
distance, use your rante. Skye, while I'm impressed with your
total lack of enthusiasm, I need to you to challenge Quandry. Nym,
you take down Chaos the first chance you get. The Bean girl is
mine."

Quistis: "You're not... actually going to hurt the author who gave
you life, are you?"

Xu: "Nah! Just maim her a little, then cast Cura on her. It's been 
a long enough break without her writing anything about us. Paybacks 
are a bitch!"

     [Meanwhile, at the Author Team's goal area.]

Beans: [regrouping with the authors] "Don't worry. We're still in
the game; they're only one point ahead of us. And more importantly: 
we're still in the game. Chaos, I figured you would have been 
clobbered before the football was even dropped."

Chaos: "Technically I was. Got in a fight with some Sphinxaur
after he hoarded all the hot dogs. And trust me: when they step on
you, it hurts."

Helen: "You are a strange little author, you know that?"

Chaos: ^^v "It comes with practice."

Helen: [exasperated groan!] "Beans, why are we doing this?
It's ridiculous and uncalled for. Hell, I'm not an author. I
shouldn't even be here. All I did was draw some pics for your
fanfic."

Beans: "But we needed someone else, and no one wanted to
volunteer their services as cannon fodder."

Chaos: [raising his hand] "Hey, what about me?"

Beans: "Chaos, your presence implies that you're automatic cannon
fodder."

Chaos: ^-^ "Anything to help out!"

Helen: [blink blink!] "Is he usually like this?"

Quandry: "He's a bit strange, yo, but I'm teaching him some of 
my better tricks. Just you wait, soon he'll be grinding like a 
lifelong GG!"

Helen: [...] "You're strange too..."

Beans: "Okay, back to the game plan. All we have to do is stay
alive until the last two minutes of the match. I've got a secret
weapon that will guarantee our survival and victory against the
SeeDs. Until then, do whatever you must to keep us in the game. 
Questions?"

Quandry: [raising his head] "Just a little one, yeah, why is the 
Tonberry King doing Elvis impersonations?"

Beans: o.O; "He's what?"

     [The authors turn to the Tonberry float in the middle of the
football field. There, dressed up like Elvis, is the sideburn-
covered Tonberry King gyrating his hips and doinking to
'Jailhouse Rock'.]

Chaos: [shouting] "The King is dead! Live with it!"

Tonberry King: *glare!*

Beans: "Oh no, clear the field! He's going to launch 'Everyone's
Grudge'!"

     [The authors immediately vacate the area, with Chaos looking
around in confusion!]

Chaos: [???] "Everyone?"

     [Cue the Everyone's Grudge!!]

Chaos: "OW!!! Hey, that hurt! And it left a stain on my uniform 
too; damn, there goes my cleaning deposit."

Nym: [pointing to the twitching fanboy in the field] "Um,
technically that attack should have killed him. What gives?"

Skye: [sigh!] "He's too much of an idiot to actually take the
hint and die."

Xu: "Oh, you mean like Seifer?"

Seifer: [stomping out onto the field!] "I heard that!"

Xu: [punting Seifer over to Trabia!] "We'll have none of your 
lip here, nancy boy!"

Quistis: [mouthing] "Nancy boy?"

Kei: [grin!] "Contact sports always brings out the aggressive
side in Xu. She was a terror when the Anshin kids used to play
tiddlywinks. It's a good thing Triple Triad isn't full contact,
otherwise she'd leave a pile of corpses in her wake."

     [Back up in the commentator's booth!]

Enju: ^-^ "I'm back! What did I miss?"

Dr. Kadowaki: [looking sick] "My lunch coming back to haunt me."

Ohta: "Hmph! You RPG characters have no stomach! My Ruby Dragon
haggis is a delicacy in some Final Fantasy games. In fact... I've
never actually seen any of you people eat during gameplay."

Enju: "You think that's bad? You should try finding a bathroom in
the Garden. They just don't seem to exist. Neither do our
bladders for that matter."

Dr. Kadowaki: >.< "I think I'm going to be sick again!"

Enju: o.O "Uh oh."

     [SquareSoft's Note: the views expressed by the characters in
this omake are not necessarily endorsed or promoted by the
manufacturing company.]

Ohta: "Well, since our other two commentators seem to be out of
commission, I guess it's up to me to host this omake. With the
halftime show done, the Tonberry cheerleaders are all returning
to the sidelines. The crowd is hyped as the players retake the 
field."

Beans: "Remember gang, do whatever is necessary to stay in the
game."

Chaos: [salute!] "Hai!"

Beans: "Why does your enthusiasm for my plan only make me worry?"

     [Headmaster Cid blows the whistle and drops the ball! The
usual scuffle occurs as SeeD takes control of the football and
starts their way towards Helen.]

Ohta: "And Xu has stolen an incredible lead! There's nothing
between her and the net now. Oh, wait a minute... I don't believe
it! Chaos has suddenly charged onto the playing field, riding
astride a... a Chocobo."

Chaos: ^-^ "Hi ho, Silver!"

Xu: [erk!] "What the?"

Chaos: [pulling out a mallet and swatting the ball away from Xu]
"I'll take that, thank you."

Xu: "Wha? Why, you little twerp!!!"

Enju: "And it appears that Chaos has now decided to turn this 
into a polo match!  No one can keep up with Chaos' Chocobo
as he whacks the football with his mallet to the goal. But not
one to be outdone, Xu has summoned Ifrit and is riding atop it 
to intercept Chaos, and--(o.O;) OW!!"

Ohta: [eyebrow twitch!] "That Hell Fire attack had to hurt. But 
that's exactly the way I make my barbecued Cockatrice wings."

Quandry: "This ain't good, Beans! It's like they've got 
helicopters firing missiles at us and we're all out of paint!"

Beans: "Well, I was saving this until the last few minutes, but
desperate omakes call for desperate measures."

     [Beans holds up a red and white ball.]

Beans: "Jumbo Cactuarmon, I choose you!"

     [Helen bops Beans on the head.]

Helen: "Baka!"

Beans: "Well, they do resemble oversized Pokemon. It's true."

     [The sun is abruptly clouded over as the immense form of the
Jumbo Cactaur appears. As SeeD and cadet alike stare up at the
towering cactus-thingy, Beans takes advantage of their dumbfounded 
states and scores a goal against Quistis!]

Beans: ^^v "Wai! Wai! We're all tied now."

Quandry: [tapping Beans on the shoulder] "Um... If I remember right, 
doesn't that big Cactus call a bunch of little ones?" 

Beans: o.O;

Chaos: [looking up at Jumbo] "Wow! Imagine the size of the flower
pot that must go with it!"

     [Jumbo Cactuar looks down and ponders the insignificant
buzzings of the tiny author. Moments later...]

Enju: [wince!] "Ouch! Jumbo just kerplunked Chaos! Now that had
to hurt!"

Ohta: "I know a recipe for minced Cactuar pies that are a favorite 
in the Southwest District of Galbadia. They're flavored with some 
spicy peppers and sauce...."

Enju: ^^v "Hey, now that sounds like a plan!"

Dr. Kadowaki: "You two are unbelievable."

Enju: "Oh, you're still alive."

Dr. Kadowaki: "No thanks to you and that haggis!"

Enju: "Uh oh... it appears the Cactuars are getting into a bit of 
a scuffle with the Tonberries. They're hurling needles and chef 
knifes everywhere! The SeeDs are diving for cover and scattering 
like rice at a wedding in the hopes of not being turned into 
human pin cushions!"

Ohta: "There's this great rice and Balamb fish recipe I know. Of
course, Chairman Kaga just glared at me and said, 'I'm not trying
it. I hate Balamb fish.' Bah, what does he know?"

Dr. Kadowaki: "You two should be commentating, not trading
cooking ideas!"

Enju: "Ano... aren't you the doctor? Shouldn't you be out there 
helping all the injured spectators?"

Dr. Kadowaki: o.O;;

Aucifer: [meeting up with Master Pan in the stands] "I'm back! 
What did I miss?"

Master Pan: "Chaos decided to start terrorizing the other team
with a wild Chocobo. Then he got flamed by Xu's Ifrit. No sooner
than that happened then Beans summoned this big-assed cactus with
a moustache, but it summoned hundreds of small cacti. Now
they're just terrorizing everyone."

Aucifer: --;; "Man, I pick the worst times to go to the bathroom."

Rinoa: "Hey, how come you guys get bathrooms and we don't?"

Master Pan: "Curse of the game characters. We're fanfiction 
characters. We can afford to be realistic."

Enju: "Wait... it appears Jumbo Cactaur is priming his 1,000
needles attack! Run for cover!!"

Everyone: O.O; "Kyaaaaaaa!!"

     [Cue Jumbo Cactaur firing off 1,000 needles into the crowd!!
In the aftermath, Enju dares to lift his head out from beneath
the needle-covered commentator's table. Ohta, on the other hand,
is busy cooking up yet another meal, using 2 needles like
chopsticks.]

Enju: "Ladies and gentlemen, it would appear that the game has
come to an abrupt and prickly end. And the winner of today's
football match is... the Cactaur team."

Ohta: "Care for some Cactuar brownies? They're really good with 
coconut."




     Disclaimer:

     No GFs were harmed during the making of this omake.
     Chaos, on the other hand, was repeatedly punted,
     smited and maimed. But since it's Chaos, it doesn't
     really count.



     [In the aftermath, we see the spectator's area littered with
moaning SeeDs and cadets who are trying to remove the dozens of
needles stuck all over their bodies. Headmaster Cid and Dr.
Kadowaki are making their way through the victims.]

Dr. Kadowaki: "Raise your hand if you need medical assistance?"

	[Countless hands are wobbly raised. They crouch down 
next to a student to examine him.]

Headmaster Cid: [looking down at Sean] "Kadowaki, what do you
think?"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not an acupuncture
therapist!"

Headmaster Cid: [sweatdrop!] "My name's not Jim."

Sean: --;; [with needles stuck in his butt] "I can't believe this
was my only part for the entire omake."


     [End!]