[Cue Bob the janitor, mopping across the stage as the curtains open] Chibi-Quandry: "Hey Bob, still hard at work?" Bob: "You don't understand, man, this stuff won't come out!" Chibi-Q: "Really? What is it?" Bob: "It's best not to ask. 'My Fair Kadowaki' was the last show on stage." Chibi-Q: "Eww... I'll take your advice." [Bob throws a mat down over the stage as Chibi-Sean approaches.] Chibi-Sean: "You know Quandry, I have to say that I've grown to like having you around." Quandry: "Really? Thanks, man! That means a lot, coming from an actual character and all. Even if you are dead." Chibi-Sean: "Really, I mean it. Granted, the exercise was good for me, but I feel I've earned some well-deserved rest from Xu chasing ME around all the time. Thanks to you, I'm out of trouble." Chibi-Xu: "Uh-uh, pal. Just because he's a freak doesn't mean you're off the hook!" Chibi-Q: "Guys, please! You start all of my omakes with an argument! What's up with that? I should pick some different characters." Chibi-Xu: "Oh really? Well maybe if you actually READ THE FANFIC, you'd know who the other characters are!?" Chibi-Sean: [ring-side announcer uniform] "Ooh... below the belt!" Chibi-Q: "Hey! I read the fanfic! Of course I read it." Chibi-Xu: "Oh yeah? Then what happened in the last part?" Chibi-Q: "You know! That one character... did that one thing... with that other character..." Chibi-Xu: "What kind of weapon do I use?" Chibi-Q: "Uh... verbal jabs? Sharp wit? Harsh language?" Chibi-Xu: "Do you even know who the authors are!?" Chibi-Q: "That's easy! Anne McCaffrey and Tom Clancy." Chibi-Sean: [Taps Quandry on shoulder] "At this point I'd normally offer you a shovel. However, I see you're already using a back-hoe to dig the hole you're in, so I'll just leave you to it, shall I?" [Inches away from the stage] [Chibi-Xu tackles Chibi-Q, and they disappear in a cloud of fighting] [Chaos and Greenbeans close the curtains on the stage] Chaos: "He's your friend, you make an excuse." Greenbeans: "Um... now for part two of Quandry's omake, 'Invasion of the Panty-Painter!" Chibi-Q: [peeks his head out of the curtain] "Hey, that's not what it's called!" Chibi-Xu: [grabs his head and pulls] "Get back in here!" Chaos & Greenbeans: [sweatdrop] *** Quandry reached the end of the hallway and skated in a small circle to stop. Approaching the door labeled 'laundry room,' he checked down the hallway for followers one more time before entering. He didn't see anyone. He took off his earphones and put them around his neck, but he didn't hear any voices or footsteps either. Satisfied, he opened the door and skated into the room. Quistis turned to look at him. "This way," said Lucus, "Quietly!" He urged Sara and Lars to follow as they pursued Quandry down the hall. Sara scampered across the floor, leaning up against the wall at each stop, while Lars simply tip-toed his large body along behind them. "He's looking again! Everybody hold still, and don't make a sound." They froze and held their breath, listening for their man to continue skating so they could follow. Instead, they heard a door open. Lucus ducked his head around the corner to see where Quandry was going. "What's he doing?" Sara asked with a poke. "He's going into the laundry room." "The laundry room? Why the laundry room?" "I have no idea. The only way out of there is back through this hallway, so we'd better decide what we're going to do when he comes--" Lars leaned toward Lucus and put a finger to his lips. Lucus and Sara looked at him. He tapped his right ear, and they all stopped to listen. "Voices," Lucus decided. "There's someone else in there with him." "No no," Sara corrected, "That's not just someone. That's Quistis. I know her voice." Lars clapped his hands softly and smiled. "Let's move up to that next corner," Sara pointed. "The door is still open so we'll have to move quietly, but maybe from there we can hear what's going on." "Okay, let's go." As he entered the room, Quandry turned to tag another small "Q" on the wall, but ran out of paint before he could finish. "Aww," he thought, "Well I guess it was time to go anyway." He tossed the paint can into a trash bin, and looked up to find that someone was watching him from right across the room. This alarmed him. He didn't know what to think as their eyes met. For an uncomfortably long moment, she just stared at him. She was standing in front of a laundry cart, her arms folded, holding in each hand a garment that was partially covered with green paint. From the looks of her gaze, she wasn't happy about something, so Quandry guessed that she probably owned the painted garments. "What the hell are you doing!?" she blurted coldly. "Whoah! Uh, nothing!" "Who are you?" "I'm... ah..." "What's your student number?" "Uh... one." "I don't think so." She walked slowly toward him. "You must be responsible for these," she said, holding her clothes out in front of him. In her right hand she held a small white (and green) frilly garment, and in her left was a larger pink (and green) vest. "What? Just because I have a can of green paint, you think I--" "Shut up." "Okay." "I want some answers. You will tell me your real student number, why you're wearing that ridiculous outfit, and why you're painting the laundry room." She grabbed one of his bear ears, pulled him in close, and whispered semi-sensually into his ear, "If you don't, I'll make you wear these clothes and hang you upside down in the dorm lobby until morning. Maybe then you'll be more forthcoming?" Quandry's eyes widened as Quistis leaned back with a smile and let go of his bear ear. She gave the smaller white garment a little shake as he eyed it askance. "I think she just gave him a kiss!" "What?" Sara tugged at Lucus' sleeve. "What happened!? What do you mean kiss??" "When I looked just now, I saw her lean in and kiss him on the cheek!" "WHAT!??" she whispered harshly. "Actually... she might have also... well, never mind." "Might have what!?" Sara grabbed him by the shirt with both hands and lifted him toward her. "Never mind NOTHING! She might have what?" "She might have... um, nib... nibbled on his ear." Sara dropped him to the floor. "Lucky bastard!" she yelled. Lars wrinkled his nose. Quistis turned her head as she heard a shout from just outside the door. Quandry took the opportunity to duck, turn to face the door, and activate his boosters. "You won't get far," she said to him quietly. She watched as his boosters propelled him directly toward the wall opposite the door. He jumped, hit the wall sideways, and skated along it to make his turn down the hallway. Quistis walked out of the laundry room to find three dumbfounded cadets leaning against the near wall, staring down the hallway at the skater who had just flown by so spectacularly. "Hi," she said. The three of them jumped and looked at her, coming away from the wall. Lucus waved shyly and looked at his feet. Sara stared with her mouth open, her jaw quivering. Lars clapped his hands softly and smiled. "Um," Sara said, mostly to get her mouth to close. "Um... um.." "That's three times now, you've mentioned that," Quistis said. "Uh," she replied instead. "Selphie sent us," Lucus finally spoke up. "She asked us to escort you to PHQ." "Yeah," said Sara. "Thank you," Quistis said, "but that won't be necessary. I'll head up there myself. You three should probably go follow him." She pointed down the hallway. "Yeah," said Sara again, still staring at her. "Yes mam, we'll do that," Lucus said, getting a hold of Sara's arm. "Won't we, Sara?" "Yeah," she said. Quandry reached the intersection he had passed before and stopped. Some Shumi and several students were crowded around each passage. He could already hear the footsteps of the three cadets he had passed coming down the hall behind him. "Halt!" shouted one of the Shumi. "You are trespassing on Garden property." "Without a permit, you are an intruder," said another one. "You shall be dealt with accordingly," said a third. Quandry wrinkled his eyebrows and put his headphones on as the surrounding guards began to approach. His Lyra played Cautionary Warning from Black Heaven. He looked around him to see which hallway had the least number of people guarding it. In front of him there were too many people to count. To his left, there were three armed cadets kneeling in front of four Shumi. On the right, there were just two Shumi and a student carrying her books behind them. The Shumi had their arms stretched out, so Quandry thought he'd try the trick he used before. Activating his boosters, he ducked, turned to the right, and flew between the two Shumi. As he emerged on the other side of them, the student spun around on her toes and smashed Quandry's face with the flat end of one her books. He fell backward from the force, but the rockets in his skates kept propelling him past her. He slid to a stop as his back hit the ground. "Get him!" someone shouted. Quandry sat up and looked behind him to see a large group of people running toward him, led by a girl wielding a book over her head. She threw it at him as he jumped up and skated away. "Are all the females at this Garden completely ruthless?" he mumbled to himself, holding a hand over his bleeding nose. "I guess he went that way," Lucus said, pointing at the large group of people running far down the hallway to their right. Sara and Lars caught up as they all finally reached the intersection. "I can't believe it!" Sara spat. "I acted like such an idiot!" "What are you talking about?" asked Lucus. "In front of Quistis! I just stood there babbling like a retard." "Oh, come on, you're exaggerating." "No I'm not." "Look, she only saw us for what, ten seconds? She's doesn't know who you are, and she's not going to recognize you the next time she sees you anyway." "How do you know that?" "Because! Look at how many people there are in this Garden. She sees hundreds of faces every day. You think she's going to remember yours after ten seconds?" "Well what if she does?" "If she does, it's not like she's going to point and laugh at you, and start making fun. This is Quistis we're talking about here. Quistis Trepe. She's too cool for that. Right?" "I guess." "Right?" "Yeah, you're right." "Good. Now let's be good little students and do what she asked. Just think of all the cool stuff this guy might know about Quistis! It's like you said, he's obviously the ultimate Trepie. He even got a kiss from her!" "Don't talk about that! I'm still jealous." "I'm sorry. Look, the point is, they clearly know each other pretty well. If we find this guy, we could ask him all kinds of questions. In fact," he paused to smile and regain eye contact from her, "We could have him introduce us." "What? I... I don't know..." "Sure! You'll have a second chance. You could even think of something to say this time, so you won't have to worry about screwing it up!" Sara smiled. "You think so?" she asked. "Yes, I think so." Lars tapped him on the shoulder. "What is it, Lars?" Lars presented a book. "Yes? What about it?" He turned it around. "It's a Deling cookbook, from the library. What about it?" Lars pointed at the blood on the corner of the cover. Lucus took it and looked at it. "Whoah. What happened?" Lars threw a thumb over his shoulder. Lucus looked around him and saw another book lying in the hallway. "You found this over there?" Lars nodded. "Okay, let's go have a look." "There's blood on the floor too," Sara said as they approached the other book. "See these little droplets? It looks like they continue down the hall." "Do you think it's his?" Lucus asked. "Could be. They chased him in the same direction. Let's follow them and see where they go." "That looks like our best option. Okay, lead the way." The blood stains on the floor trailed around a couple of corners and finally ended in front of a door labeled 'No Access.' Part of a bloody hand-print was on the panel next to the door. "What's in here?" Sara asked. "Whoever's bleeding, I guess," Lucus said, shrugging. Lars used the panel and opened the door. He tried to turn on the lights too, but only one of the bulbs was working. The three of them stepped inside and saw a few boxes stacked in one corner, a mop and a bucket in another, and a large pipe with an opened hatch coming out of the floor in the center of the room. "Access to the tunnels," Sara said. "Should we follow him?" "I don't know," Lucus said with hesitation. "We're really, really not supposed to go in there." "You just said we should do what Quistis told us to do, and that's follow him." "I know, I know. It's just that we're really really REALLY really not supposed to go in there." "Well then what do you suggest we do? Just let him get away? I don't see that we have any other options." Lars put a hand on each of their shoulders. "There are always other options," he told them. Lucus and Sara looked at him. He smiled. *** "It's been over an hour." "And?" "And we're still in these stupid tunnels!" "Chill, Beans! We're almost there, I'm sure. These areas are starting to look more maintained." "Maintained or not, we're lost, and we're wasting valuable time. Think of the things I could have been researching!" "Hey! If we hadn't come in this way, we would have been caught. You know how their patrols are now! The only thing you'd be researching then is the barrel of a gunblade aimed at your head." "Whatever," Greenbeans mumbled. "Those things are stupid anyway." "Stupid or not, they pose a real threat. Just like everyone else in this Garden does, if they see us." "I know that. I just still have a bad feeling about this." "Well, maybe that's good," said Chaos with a shrug. "Maybe that just means you're on your toes." They came to an intersection of tunnels and stopped. "Here, I'll let you pick, just to show I'm a good sport," Chaos offered. Greenbeans looked down each hallway. "I wish he was here right now..." she said to herself. "Who?" Chaos asked. "Oh, a friend of mine... he always seems to go exactly the right way on accident. I just wish he were here. I'd have him decide." "Ah. Well, what do you think?" "Let's go right." They walked a few feet down the corridor to the right. "Do you hear something?" Greenbeans asked, pausing. "Yes, my stomach. I'm hungry." "No, I mean down the hall. It's a rumbling sound." "It's my tummy rumbling. I can throw my stomach." "Shh! I'm serious." Suddenly, a loud squeak reverberated around them, and a dim light shone down on them from above. They aimed their flashlights and looked up. A dark figure was looming over a hole in the ceiling above them. "Uh-oh," said Greenbeans. "Run!" She looked and found that Chaos already started. The figure dropped from the ceiling and landed directly onto her. "Mmf!" she yelped. Chaos stopped and ran back. "Wait!" he yelled. "Don't hurt her! We're sorry! Please don't kill us!" He pointed the flashlight at the two of them on the floor. "Hey... you're not Garden faculty, are you?" "Oww," he responded. Greenbeans tried to push him off. "It's slobbering on me!" she cried. "Who are you?" Chaos asked. "I'm Quandry," he said stuffily, "and I'm not slobbering. I'm bleeding." "Would you mind getting off me?" Quandry took a good look at what he was leaning over. "Oooh baby. Do I have to?" "That depends. Do you value your scrotum?" "I'll get off." He did, and sat against the wall, holding his nose. Greenbeans picked up her flashlight and sat in front of Quandry. She took his hand away from his nose. "Here, let me look at that," she said, taking a handkerchief out of her pocket. "Hold this to your nose until it stops. Don't lean your head back. What happened to you?" "I got booked by a student." "So, I take it you know each other?" Chaos asked. Greenbeans stood and helped Quandry up. "This is Quandry," she explained. "As in the author?" "Yep." "Who's that, and can he take his flashlight out of my face?" Quandry asked. "Oh, sorry." Chaos turned off his light. "I'm Chaos." "As in the fanboy?" "Yep. I can't say it's a pleasure, but I have to admit that I've met people under stranger circumstances," he said, extending a hand. "Nice to finally meet you, though." "You too," said Quandry, shaking his hand with a bloody one. "Eww!" "My bad. Look, we should keep moving. I was being chased by half the Garden when I came down here. They can't be far behind." "Sounds good to me," Greenbeans agreed. "Which way should we go?" Quandry thought for a moment. "Let's go left." *** The door to the PHQ classroom slid open and Quistis walked quickly through. Selphie and Xu looked at her. "Ah, Quistis. We have a situation..." "Yes, I'm well aware, thank you." "You are?" Selphie looked puzzled. "Where are the cadets I sent to get you?" "I had them follow the intruder." "You... so you know about him?" "Know about him? I met him." "Met him where?" "In the laundry room!" she held up the clothes she was still carrying. Xu looked startled. All of the students turned their attention to Quistis, as they usually do when she raises her voice. "My laundry," she said, "My precious laundry!" "Um, Quistis..." Xu began, under her breath. "Look what he did!" "Quistis..." "Do you know he painted a laundry cart?" "Quistis." "My shirt was in there! Look what he did to my vest!" She threw it at Selphie's feet. Xu inched closer and nudged Quistis. "And my panties! He spray-painted my panties!!" "Quistis! "What, Xu!?" "Those, uh... those aren't... YOUR panties." Quistis looked at them as several large beads of sweat began forming on her head. Chibi-Quistis: [full-body blush] "Ah... heh-heh..." [holds the panties toward Xu] Chibi-Xu: [Takes them and quickly stuffs them under her shirt] Sam snickered. Kae used her elbow again to stop him. "He's been painting EVERYTHING," Selphie said. "Perhaps you saw some other examples on your way up here?" "No," said Quistis. "Then have a look at this." She took her to Sam's computer and showed her the Quad. "Q," Quistis said. "Yep. We think he's a Trepie," Selphie explained. "He's obviously hard-core," Xu added, "but what's odd about this case is the fact that he's an intruder. Trepies are usually students here." "He's not just an intruder," Quistis said, looking up from the screen. "He's an author." Xu hesitated. "Another author? You mean... Corvus is back? But I thought..." "No, he didn't look like Corvus, and he was too tall to be Chaos." "Are you sure? He was wearing skates," Selphie suggested. "Trust me on this one," she said, looking at the two of them. "He's an author. Search the database and see what you can come up with." "What should we search for?" Kae asked. Quistis turned to her. "From what I have seen, we know that he likes the color green, he wears bear ears, he skates..." "And he's annoying," Selphie finished. "He also told me that his student number was 'one.' That's all we have, so see what you can dig up." "I'm on it," Kae said, typing away. "In the mean time, let's make sure all the patrols are on full alert. Whoever he is, he's not allowed to be here. Oh, and Selphie?" "Yeah?" "I believe Cid wanted to have a word with you. He's in his office." Selphie gulped and sauntered out the door. [To be continued...] *** [Chibi-Q limps on-stage with chibi sized crutches to help him along] Chibi-Q: "Stay tuned... urgh... I'll be bringing you the next omake from the comfort of my hospital bed. Gyahh.. hopefully." [limps away] Chibi-Sean: "Stay tuned? What, does he mean there's ANOTHER part?? This is getting silly. Hey, Greenbeans, he's taking up all of the omake spots. Is he allowed to do that?" Chibi-Greenbeans: "Um, I'm not sure yet." Chibi-Chaos: "Well, there's no rule that says we can't have more than one omake per release date. We've done it before. Besides, I feel kinda sorry for the guy. Look at him, all beat up like that." Chibi-Xu: "It's not like he didn't deserve it! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get green paint out of your panties!?" Chibi-Greenbeans: "You think that's bad? Try spilling it on your knee some time! See how YOU like walking around the house with no pants on!" Chibi's Sean, Xu, and Chaos: "....what!?" Chibi-Greenbeans: [sweatdrops] "Oops... too much information... uh... see you next time!" [Chibi-Greenbeans quickly grabs her remote control and turns off your monitor]